fast effective healing

Communication Skills 101

by Steven Kessler, MFT,  EFT Expert & Trainer


Take responsibility for managing your own feeling state.

Asking for what you want

  • only 1 issue at a time
  • be specific and personal
  • say what behavior you want them to do
  • end with “Would you do that for me?”



  • state facts
  • state your personal feelings
  • use “I statements”
    • – no “you statements”
    • – no blaming
    • – no attacks
    • – no name-calling
    • – no interpretations of the other person’s actions



  • – invite them to tell you about it
    • – do not discount their feelings; this is their experience
    • – for the moment, put aside agreeing or disagreeing
    • – your purpose is to understand and show that you understand
    • – feeling understood will calm your partner’s anger and fear
  • clarify by asking questions
  • restate what they said, ending with “Is that right?”


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How EFT Works

All the hurts and trauma that happened to you changed the way that your life energy flows through your body. That’s why we need to go deeper than just talking about it. We need to heal it on the level of your body’s energy system, and that’s what EFT does. <br/>

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