Communication Skills 101

by Steven Kessler, MFT,  EFT Expert & Trainer

www.EFTTherapyCenter.com

 
 
 
Asking for what you want

• only 1 issue at a time
• be specific and personal
• say what behavior you want them to do
• end with “Would you do that for me?”

Talking

• state facts
• state your personal feelings
• use “I statements”
• – no “you statements”
• – no blaming
• – no attacks
• – no name-calling
• – no interpretations of the other person’s actions

Listening

• – invite them to tell you about it
• – do not discount their feelings; this is their experience
• – for the moment, put aside agreeing or disagreeing
• – your purpose is to understand and show that you understand
• – feeling understood will calm your partner’s anger and fear
• clarify by asking questions
• restate what they said, ending with “Is that right?”

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