by Steven Kessler, MFT, EFT Expert & Trainer
I teach EFT to other therapists, and at a recent workshop one of the participants was a new Mom who said her infant daughter, Alina, was having a lot of difficulty sleeping and asked if EFT might help. Apparently she and her husband had tried everything they could think of for months, but Alina was still very restless at night. In that short workshop, Alina’s Mom had learned only the basic recipe, but we talked over the concept of surrogate EFT and a few setup phrases she might use and she said she would let me know what happened. Here’s her report from a few days later:
“Tonight was a perfect night to experiment with Alina, as she was particularly restless. My husband was putting her down and I sat in the other room and did as you suggested, with a round of “Even though I feel restless, I know I am held in loving kindness.” I could hear her continue to feel restless and agitated, so I did another round for the remaining part. As I continued to hear her, I felt my own frustration, so I did a round on myself for that. I was going to do a next round but my husband came and got me to help.
I held her and tried another round for her for the restlessness. I then felt a shift from “restlessness” to “feeling out of control” (those words came to me) so I did a round of “Even though I feel out of control I know I am held in peace.” As I did this she started to relax. More importantly, I felt a shift in myself from it.
(My psyche registered this: If she is held in peace and I am holding her, then I am holding her with peace – which I felt – which means that I am a “good mom” even though she is having difficulty). This is very different than the belief that if she is having a difficult time, it is because I am not containing enough, relaxed enough, loving enough, etc. (not a good enough mom).
With this shift I felt a wave of peace come over my body, and immediately Alina melted into me, and fell asleep within a couple of minutes.
My husband just went into her room to get his glasses. He came out and said, “I don’t know what you did, but her body looks more relaxed and open and in a state of trust than I have seen her for months, if ever.”
How’s that for results?
I love this work!
Steven Kessler, MFT