Getting the Most out of Your Session

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by Steven Kessler, MFT, EFT Expert & Trainer

This page is designed to help you focus in on what exactly you want to accomplish in this session and in your work with me over all. There is something about yourself that you want to change. What exactly is it? What shift in this session would show you that you’re on the right track toward it? You may want to change the way you react in a certain situation. You may want to change a general feeling or belief about yourself. You may want to be able to do something that has eluded you up to now. What is it for you?

At the start of each session, I will ask you “What do you want today?” The more clearly you can answer that question, the more efficient our work can be. You may not know exactly what you want and you may need my help in sorting this out. That is totally fine. Or, you may be able to state clearly what change you want in yourself today, and we can move immediately toward clearing out whatever is in the way of that change.

Before your session, take the time to sit down and think through the answers to these questions. You may even want to write out the answers for yourself. I don’t need you to show me the answers. The purpose of this page is just to help you get focused on them for yourself. Going through this exercise will start things cooking inside you so that when I ask you “What do you want today?” you will have a clearer answer. That clarity will help you get much more out of your session time.

1.  What change do you want today?

2.  What negative feelings do you have about the current situation.

3.  What do you tell yourself about this situation?

4.  When did you start telling yourself these things?

5.  Tune in to the feelings you have about this situation. Are these old, familiar feelings? Try following the feeling tone back in time and ask yourself, When did you first feel this way?

6.  Was there an event that made you feel this way? If so, what decisions did you make as a result of that event?

7.  Did anyone around you model similar attitudes or feelings while you were growing up? Who?

8.  Who do you secretly blame or hold accountable for your situation?

9.  Where do you feel this issue in your body? What are the sensations you feel there?

10.  What are your hidden gains from having this issue? What is the upside of keeping this issue as it is? For example, does this issue solve some other problem? Does having it keep you safe or protect you from something? Would someone else be upset if you resolved this issue? Do you believe you deserve relief from this problem?

11.  What is the downside to resolving this issue? What would you lose if it disappeared?

12.  Without this issue, who would you be?

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