by Steven Kessler, MFT, EFT Expert & Trainer
Throughout the process, take responsibility for managing your own feeling state.
Asking for what you want
-- no "you statements"
-- no blaming
-- no attacks
-- no name-calling
-- no interpretations of the other person’s actions
-- do not discount their feelings; this is their experience
-- for the moment, put aside agreeing or disagreeing
-- your purpose is to understand and show that you understand
-- feeling understood will calm your partner’s anger and fear